can judge me This is the story of a girl

This is the story of a girl

Thoughts & Ramblings & Decisions

10 years ago - “I’m gonna be a doctor that can save the world and heal everyone with my super healing powers.”

7 years ago - “I’ll be the best doctor & be able to heal anyone that comes for help.”

5 years ago - “Hmm.. I guess one doctor can’t know everything. Should I be a surgeon? A family medicine doctor/pediatrician? Dermatologist? Oriental Medicine?” 

3 year ago - “..There’s a lot more specialties than I thought. But they’re all just different parts of the body, right? I’ll just find something that interests me the most.” 

1 year ago - “…There were subspecialties on top of specialties???? Why are there so many????” 

Now - “I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

American Board of Allergy and ImmunologyAllergy and ImmunologyNo SubspecialtiesAmerican Board of AnesthesiologyAnesthesiology

Critical Care Medicine
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Pain Medicine
Pediatric Anesthesiology 1
Sleep Medicine 1

American Board of Colon and Rectal SurgeryColon and Rectal SurgeryNo SubspecialtiesAmerican Board of DermatologyDermatologyDermatopathology
Pediatric DermatologyAmerican Board of Emergency MedicineEmergency MedicineCritical Care Medicine
Emergency Medical Services2
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Medical Toxicology
Pediatric Emergency Medicine
Sports Medicine
Undersea and Hyperbaric MedicineAmerican Board of Family MedicineFamily MedicineAdolescent Medicine
Geriatric Medicine
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Sleep Medicine
Sports MedicineAmerican Board of Internal MedicineInternal Medicine

Adolescent Medicine
Advanced Heart Failure and Transplant
    Cardiology
Cardiovascular Disease
Clinical Cardiac Electrophysiology
Critical Care Medicine
Endocrinology, Diabetes and Metabolism
Gastroenterology
Geriatric Medicine
Hematology
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Infectious Disease
Interventional Cardiology
Medical Oncology
Nephrology
Pulmonary Disease
Rheumatology
Sleep Medicine
Sports Medicine
Transplant Hepatology

American Board of Medical Genetics

Clinical Biochemical Genetics*
Clinical Cytogenetics*
Clinical Genetics (MD)*
Clinical Molecular Genetics*

Medical Biochemical Genetics
Molecular Genetic Pathology

American Board of Neurological SurgeryNeurological SurgeryNo SubspecialtiesAmerican Board of Nuclear MedicineNuclear MedicineNo SubspecialtiesAmerican Board of Obstetrics and GynecologyObstetrics and GynecologyCritical Care Medicine
Female Pelvic Medicine and
     Reconstructive Surgery1
Gynecologic Oncology
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Maternal and Fetal Medicine
Reproductive Endocrinology/InfertilityAmerican Board of OphthalmologyOphthalmologyNo SubspecialtiesAmerican Board of Orthopaedic SurgeryOrthopaedic SurgeryOrthopaedic Sports Medicine
Surgery of the HandAmerican Board of OtolaryngologyOtolaryngologyNeurotology 
Pediatric Otolaryngology
Plastic Surgery Within the Head and Neck
Sleep MedicineAmerican Board of PathologyPathology-Anatomic/Pathology-Clinical*
Pathology - Anatomic*
Pathology - Clinical*

Blood Banking/Transfusion Medicine
Clinical Informatics1 
Cytopathology
Dermatopathology
Neuropathology
Pathology - Chemical
Pathology - Forensic 
Pathology - Hematology
Pathology - Medical Microbiology
Pathology - Molecular Genetic
Pathology - Pediatric

American Board of PediatricsPediatricsAdolescent Medicine
Child Abuse Pediatrics
Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Medical Toxicology
Neonatal-Perinatal Medicine
Neurodevelopmental Disabilities
Pediatric Cardiology
Pediatric Critical Care Medicine
Pediatric Emergency Medicine
Pediatric Endocrinology
Pediatric Gastroenterology
Pediatric Hematology-Oncology
Pediatric Infectious Diseases
Pediatric Nephrology
Pediatric Pulmonology
Pediatric Rheumatology
Pediatric Transplant Hepatology
Sleep Medicine
Sports Medicine

American Board of Physical Medicine and RehabilitationPhysical Medicine and RehabilitationBrain Injury Medicine1
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Neuromuscular Medicine
Pain Medicine
Pediatric Rehabilitation Medicine
Spinal Cord Injury Medicine
Sports Medicine
American Board of Plastic SurgeryPlastic SurgeryPlastic Surgery Within the Head and Neck
Surgery of the Hand
American Board of Preventive MedicineAerospace Medicine*
Occupational Medicine*
Public Health and General Preventive Medicine*

Clinical Informatics1
Medical Toxicology
Undersea and Hyperbaric Medicine

American Board of Psychiatry and NeurologyPsychiatry*
Neurology*
Neurology with Special Qualification 
     in Child Neurology*
Addiction Psychiatry
Brain Injury Medicine1
Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
Clinical Neurophysiology
Epilepsy3
Forensic Psychiatry
Geriatric Psychiatry
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Neurodevelopmental Disabilities
Neuromuscular Medicine
Pain Medicine
Psychosomatic Medicine
Sleep Medicine
Vascular NeurologyAmerican Board of RadiologyDiagnostic Radiology*
Radiation Oncology*
Medical Physics*Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Neuroradiology
Nuclear Radiology
Pediatric Radiology
Vascular and Interventional Radiology
American Board of SurgerySurgery*
Vascular Surgery*Complex General Surgical Oncology1
Hospice and Palliative Medicine
Pediatric Surgery
Surgery of the Hand
Surgical Critical Care
American Board of Thoracic SurgeryThoracic and Cardiac SurgeryCongenital Cardiac SurgeryAmerican Board of UrologyUrologyFemale Pelvic Medicine and
     Reconstructive Surgery1
Pediatric Urology

Bolded the ones I might be interested in… 

So much to choose from/explore. So little time. 

It’s not the stress and work I have to do to get there that worries me… what scares me the most is not knowing what I want - not having a direction. I’ve always been quite selfish/greedy/overambitious so I try to do everything at once. I know I should be humble and acknowledge that I have limits too. But I feel like some sort of insatiable, unquenchable forest fire. And one day, I’m going to end up burning myself out & collapsing under my own weight. 

Overambitious people, the ones that set their goals too high, have been found to be the most depressed/unhappy. 

Recently I decided I want to be a happier person - someone who can brighten up a room with smiles and laughter and infect others with happiness. I’ve been more laid back, counting blessings rather than pointing out inconveniences, complimenting rather than complaining, seeing more sunshine and people on the streets rather than being locked up in my bedroom by myself, singing, helping the elderly, playing with children, cooking, taking pictures of beautiful landscapes, eating healthy delicious foods that make me happy, spending less time in front of mirrors, stopping to smell flowers, exercising when I can, thanking God for everything, writing in my journal, listening to 96.7FM radio (K-love Christian contemporary), and always staying busy. Yes, I have really little free time to hang out with friends at the beach or go on vacation, but I’m really thankful to God that he gave me all these opportunities - working in the ER and shadowing doctors and seeing amazingly fascinating things, interning at a pediatrician’s office and learning patience, humor and kindness when dealing with children as well as stamina to stand for 9 hours holding down screaming and kicking kids, and conducting neuropharmacology research on rats and mice with a pretty chill adviser at school. Even though I’m out working from dawn to past midnight, I enjoy it, and I’m thankful for every second of it.  


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