Please come back home
Anonymous asked: We used to be really good friends in high school. But you grew different. You chose your boyfriend (at the time) and your work. I chose another path -- sometimes I wonder if I should have been as academically driven as you. Sometimes I know you're tired and exhausted and you push through. It's good but also tough.
Why is it “used to be”? I’ve been told that nothing can separate a good friendship - whether it be time, distance, or life challenges.
And I was never really academically driven. Only driven to please. My parents, my friends, my teachers. As “tool”-ish as it may sound, yes, I was a people-pleaser. And as stupid as it sounds, being a good “tool” and making people happy by giving them what they want was something that made me genuinely happy. And I guess that’s what helped me push through.
And I’m not a masochist or anything, but I don’t mind being tired and exhausted at all as long as I accomplish something. Also, I really believe that whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger someway, somehow.
To My Daughter - A letter from The King
How are you, My beautiful child? I have missed you, I’ve been wondering where you have been. I feel as though I have spent so long watching you, being there for you, just waiting for you to notice Me.
You often feel that in a crowded room; you’re alone.. Don’t you notice me at the back of the room, as you dance about in your world? I’m watching you from a distance, from where you left Me when you pushed Me to the side, hid My word in your backpack, closed the pages of your journal when someone asked what you were writing; for fear of what others might think of Me, your Father.
I’m still here, sometimes I see you looking for Me, at the end of the day - when everyone else has gone home, and you’re laying in your bed, staring out the window. When you go into the bathroom, wipe off your make-up, and remember who you naturally are… I hear your heart looking for Me. I’m there My beautiful girl; when you stare at your reflection, and you cringe at the way your nose turns slightly out at the bottom, or the way your freckles aline perfectly across your cheeks. When you purse your lips at the colour of your skin, the shape of your hairline, and the way your lips don’t always rest perfectly together. You never seem to like what you see, and I try to reach out to you, and explain why I painted your face that way, why I intricately sketched your lips to fall together the way they do - but you’re too busy for me, it seems you always are these days… Splashing inks of red, creams, browns and blacks across your face; hiding the masterpiece that I created you to be; sometimes I worry you have forgotten who you truly are, My child.
I see you each week, stepping through your routines, meeting your friends, and making time to talk. I know you probably wish I wasn’t My dear, but I find Myself falling jealous to the time you have for everyone but Me. I wonder; do you remember last Sunday, when you promised we would have coffee together, when you said you were sorry for all the times you left me waiting, sitting and hoping you would arrive; I waited with my arms filled to overflowing. I prepared gifts for you each time you said we would meet… I wrapped grace in a parcel, perfectly and sweetly; for all the times you did Me wrong. I folded compassion and love into a neat bundle, with a ribbon of acceptance around it, gently tied with care and concern for you - for all the times you felt unwanted, unloved and alone, the times you felt no one cared… I waited for you, but you did not come; lately dear, you rarely come…
I fell to My knees for you today, I begged for your company in some kind of way.
I fell to My knees and I called out your name, hoping maybe, you’d do the same.
But I waited again, I sat waiting for you; in a crowded room, where no body knew; that you had promised Me your time, for a short moment or two. I waited patiently for you, because you are worthy of My time, I consider you much more important than any other creation of Mine. It was then and there, I stood to my feet, and found you somewhere new… From across the room, I noticed you… You had forgotten about Me, My princess - but I hadn’t forgotten about you.
I’ve played hide and seek with you; I promised I would find you, and surely I did. When it came to your turn to come to Me, My dear, I waited for so long - only to find, you lost interest in our time together. I’ve played tag with you; I chased you, and chased you, and chased you again, I’ll never give up chasing you… Not until the very end. But when you chased Me back; that’s what gave Me great joy, to have you reach out your arms to Me; calling My name, telling Me you want Me, you need Me… It was beautiful, but short lived. - I wonder where you have gone My child; don’t you know I miss you?
I know you love encouragement, inspiration and conferences with great speakers; you love the hype of My word, and the gift of My life - but when it comes to the crunch, and you’re the star of the show - I long to be front row and centre, proudly cheering you on. But instead you buy me no ticket, and there I am; waiting for you again, at the back of a crowded room.
My daughter, do you remember when you told me you couldn’t go on? When tears stained your cheeks, and you found it hard to breathe - you sat weeping from a distance, but all of a sudden, you found support? That caring friends hand on your shoulder; the text message from your sister, the facebook message you received; it was not merely a coincidence, it was a small reminder of how lovingly I care for you.
I miss you My daughter, I miss the way you would take time for Me; and keep it
I miss the way you would proudly tell your friends about My faithfulness, and believe it.
I miss you desiring Me, wanting Me, and Hungering for Me; desperately and longingly, wanting more of Me. You have forgotten Me, My Child…
My heart is breaking for you; please come back to Me?
I’ll be waiting where you left Me, at the back of the crowded room.
Lovingly and longingly, prayerfully and passionately signed;
Your Father, Your Lord, Your King, Your Best Friend, Your Comforter, Your Counsellor.
and the first question looks like:
Everyone starts as a bulb. But with the right people bringing sunshine into their lives, they can bloom into beautiful flowers
Caught the last showing of Die Hard at the AMC, then splurged on Max Brenner’s at 1am. The Sharing Fondue for two, Hazelnut Marshmallow Pizza, and a sip of Max’s White Russian.
Perfect night out :)
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.– David Herbert Lawrence
I was scrolling through weeks and months worth of posts I’ve missed, and I came across this one
하나님은 너를 지키시는 자
너의 우편에 그늘 되시니
낮에 해와 밤에 달도
너를 해치 못하리
하나님은 너를 지키시는자
너의 환난을 면케 하시니
그가 너를 지키시리라
너의 출입을 지키시리라
눈을 들어 산을 보아라
너의 도움 어디서 오나
천지 지으신 너를 만드신 여호와께로다
Have you ever had that experience when you’re trying to remember a song that you knew a really long time ago, but you remember only a few words, just a little bit of the tune, and you have no idea how to find this song? And if you happen to find the song, how amazing it feels? <major props to sambitions>
I was first introduced to this song at a retreat a very very long time ago. It was one of the most blessing experiences I’ve ever had and it’s when I made a promise to myself that I will never doubt or turn away from God. Although I was younger, naive, and less knowledgeable in general, it was when my faith was the strongest.
Hearing this song was bittersweet. It brought so much nostalgia and sweet memories, but I realized how cold, skeptical, and indifferent I’ve become.
It’s not even just that. I feel like I’ve become prideful, vain, deceitful to myself, materialistic in the sense that I didn’t let anything come before my academic achievement. I got so absorbed in my own little world of perfectionism and independence that I neglected everything else, including my friends and family. It’s almost miraculous that they still think of me and consider me as one of them. When I saw their faces for the first time in over half a year, I felt like I didn’t deserve them, and I hated myself for becoming so distant from them.
I wonder when it began and how exactly it happened… it’s scary how easily you can lose your way or get distracted without even realizing it.
I need to reorganize my priorities. Rather, more importantly, I need to recognize my #1 priority.
Forget all my other 2013 resolutions.
This year I’m going to focus on one goal:
find my way back to God.